Whilst looking for a term that would best describe things (you know, how often the Japanese have words to describe particular effects), the only thing I could find meant something quite different. If you Google the term "embracing life/to embrace" life usually describes finding reasons to live (in other words those without a wish to live).
That is not me.
I felt that it was important to clarify that. My situation has always been very different. I struggle with guilt about existing.
I was raised to feel like I was a burden, that there was something wrong with me, that I was unlovable.
Nothing I ever did was able to fix that. Essentially, my childhood was the first trauma of my life (hereby classified as Big Nasty Trauma #1). It is only with therapy that I have begun to understand just how much damage was done to me in my formative years. It's a lot to unpack, and I am just beginning. I know what I need to do. I am going to re-parent myself:-
I want to nurture my heart and embrace my life, every little bit of it with love, joy and compassion.
This is my manifesto... and I want to share my experiences with you.
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